These Old Familiar Rooms

There’s no evidence that ABBA’s Benny and Bjorn ever met Elvis Costello in the mid-1980s, but if they had commisserated over a few cocktails, they would have found one one personal topic very much in common: Divorce. 

And yet, “Knowing Me, Knowing You” was written by Benny, Bjorn and Stig Anderson two years before the first ABBA divorce; Agnetha and Bjorn split in 1978, while the other ABBA marriage between Benny and Frida ended in 1981. 

Maybe it was EC who turned it into a divorce “anthem” of sorts. He started throwing it into live sets in late 1986, as his first marriage had just ended. At the same time, touring with the Attractions, he must have picked up on the impending professional “divorce” happening around the same time. It was the last time the four of them would play together for years, and the seams in their relationships had started to show. 

Costello has frequently identified 1986’s Blood and Chocolate as a “divorce” album, and it’s not hard to imagine that a song like “Knowing Me, Knowing You” was firmly in the back of his mind as he wrote the songs for that record. In fact, for its live debut at New York’s Broadway Theater, he sandwiches it between two of the better bitter sadsack songs from B&C: “I Hope You’re Happy Now” and “Home Is Anywhere You Hang Your Head.”

In this video from a London show in December 1986, you can kinda make out the crowd chuckling as they recognize what he’s about to play. There’s no laughs to follow, as he performs a committed, straight reading of the song, devoid of ironic bemusement. The Attractions tighten around him; this is not a pop snob’s goof but a re-examination of a song that many in the crowd probably would have dismissed as disco garbage. 

On “Knowing Me, Knowing You,” the writers aren’t afraid to lean into the maudlin, but they cut it with a specific sense of location. They set their scene within an empty house where two people in love used to live; as one of them wanders through the rooms, they think about what they’ve lost. They’re resigned but full of regrets at the same time.

It speaks to the quality of ABBA’s songwriting, but also to EC’s own constant curiosity and willingness to explore any corner of the pop music landscape where he may find a flickering flame. EC’s performances of “Knowing Me, Knowing You” provoke the best kind of reexamination; the listener is encouraged to return to the original with a fresh perspective and gain a new appreciation for the source. 

A few decades later, as Costello was writing with Burt Bacharach for their Painted From Memory album, he struggled with the lyrics to “This House Is Empty Now,” only to realize he had returned once more to ABBA’s song without even realizing it:

(Many thanks to Josue Gentil from the Elvis Costello Facebook group for reminding me of this passage!)

Whether inspired by Costello or their own romantic misadventures, “Knowing Me, Knowing You” has attracted the attention of a few other wry, sardonic singer-songwriters–Joe Jackson, who covered it on tour; and Marshall Crenshaw, who included a cover on his 1994 live album My Truck Is My Home. 

BONUS: I don’t know anything about this band but this cover slaps. It’s almost like if Queen had covered it.